I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
