ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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