No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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