just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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