I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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