Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
