i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
