I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
