she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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