I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
