Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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