Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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