all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
