his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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