It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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