Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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