You really coming over, don't trick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
