you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
