I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
