one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
