I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
