Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
