Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
