Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
