um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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