But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Never joke about your clitoris.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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