wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize