Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
