I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
