It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
