She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
