how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
