I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
