I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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