A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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