Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
