I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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