high people should be assigned attendants
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
