She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
