I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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