im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
