i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
