my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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