I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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