im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
