On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Operation Purity has been aborted
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
