let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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