Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
