I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
