Ketchup is God's man juice
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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