WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
