there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
