I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
