I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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