Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
