She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
