i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
