the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
