but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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