come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
