My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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