Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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