He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
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If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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