Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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