found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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