remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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