She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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