Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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