In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
